"Flesh makes the mind weak, and the soul weary.."

With the help of great men such as Nelson Mandela and Dr. Martin Luther King, the world is (slowly) becoming more aware of the individual, and less aware of skin colour. Not more than 20 years ago, apartheid existed in South Africa. Not more than 50 years ago segregation was legal in the United States, and every day in the present, people die because of their heritage, be they Muslim, Shiites, Israeli, Jewish, or Americans doing the bidding of a half-witted leader.

I live in a.... not-so-nice part of the city. People get shot here on a daily basis. There are gang territories. Does it bother me? No. I don't buy crack, and I am not stupid enough to flash any gang signs. Yet, when I walk down the street, and I see "one of them" walking towards me, I can't help myself. I keep my head down, look for a means of escape and something to defend myself with. I won't make eye contact. I think to myself "don't hurt me", and move to the other side of the street just to avoid them. I do my best not to be racist, but I tell you, those white people scare the shit out of me!!

That's right, I said white people. I look in the mirror each day, and I glance down at the skin which encases by being, and I am ashamed by the pale, white skin which reflects back up at me. No single race in the world is responsible for more destruction, hatred, violence, massacres, deaths, and evil in the world than the white man. And, while as caucasian people we've been taught that it's the people with skin of other colour we need to worry about, it simply is not true. Have I ever had any problems in my predominately african-american neighbourhood? Yes. But, only at the hands of a white man! In fact, EVERY person who has ever harmed me in my lifetime; the boss who fired me, the teacher who flunked me, the kid who beat me up in school, the drunk driver who nearly killed me, the babysitter who sexually scarred me, the accountant who made me pay way too much in taxes, the guy who mugged me, the guy who tried to break into my car and instead just scratched the paint, the guy who dumped me... all white men. I have never had a single incident with a person of colour, (any colour) in my entire life. I have never been attacked by a black person, never been evicted by a black person, never had my security deposit ripped off by a black landlord, (have never been able to find a black landlord!) never heard of a black person involved in a corporate financial fraud investigation, never heard of a black person saying "we're laying off 10,000 workers..." Starting to get my point? Every bad experience, every trauma, every cruel act I have endured my entire life has had a caucasian face attached to it. My black neighbours are good people, nice to me, helpful, and willing to lend a hand. (My white neighbour is loud and inconsiderate.) My African-American co-workers are some of the nicest people I work with. (A few of my white co-workers are responsible for not only spreading malicious rumours about me in the hopes of discrediting me, but much more that I can not go into right now...) Who invented the chemicals that are killing the planet, and people everyday? A white guy. Who invented the H-Bomb, the gun, cocaine, heroin, who put lead in the paint, in our water, who make Onondaga Lake in Syracuse the most polluted lake in the US? A white guy. Who is notorious with the words "hate group"? Skinny, bald white guys. Who started the holocaust? A white guy (with a bad moustache.)

Why do we look at the colour of one's skin and judge that person before they even open their mouths? Why do white people fear other races but not other white people? SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG HERE!

My current partner of 7 years is Asian. Before him my boyfriend was African-American. (I dislike the term "black"), before him was an Indian, and before him a Native American. And while there were some caucasian guys in between, the relationships that worked best were the inter-racial ones. As a whole, white people are ignorant, intolerant, impatient, greedy, self-centered, whiny, arrogant, think-they-deserve-everything-without-having-to-earn-it, lazy, apathetic, and oblivious to reality. I want no part of it. So, despite my gothic breeding which has led me to avoid the sun, I am going out to get a tan, in the hopes that I might be mistaken for some darker-skinned race. I want out of the caucasian race. Is there some paperwork I can fill out of something???